The Road to Discovery (Part II) ~ Highly Sensitive

Please click here for The Road to Discovery Part I

As soon as my condition allowed me for watching a laptop-screen and reading books again, I gently started to research if I could find an explanation for feeling so over-aroused, over-stimulated most of the time.
Sure, I realized that I had bitten off way more than I could chew during the time leading up the concussion… But that feeling of being frazzled, depleted, and my nerves seemingly firing to excess, had been a part of my life since long before that event.
I seemed to be taking on more than I could let go.
I could not explain why…

I’d been investigating sensitivity and over-stimulation back in Manchester, while preparing for the PCT, and even read a book about it in my native language. I recall recognizing a lot in said book, but it didn’t quite ‘click’ yet. Even though it did resonate, I was too preoccupied with planning the daunting trip to California that lay ahead of me.
There was no space to have it properly sink in…

So recently my intuition and curiosity lead me to ordering the book that seemed to be referenced in every relatable article I found online;

The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine Aron

Reading this book was like coming home.
The biggest sigh of relief.
An explanation.

From one of my personal favorite websites on the subject, Highly Sensitive Refuge, I’ve gathered the following information which describes what it entails to fall on the ‘highly sensitive spectrum’:

A highly sensitive person (HSP) experiences the world differently than others. Due to a biological difference that they’re born with, highly sensitive people are more aware of subtleties and process information deeply. They experiences acute physical, mental, or emotional responses to stimuli. This can include external stimuli, like your surroundings and the people you’re with, or internal stimuli, like your own thoughts, emotions and realizations. HSP’s tend to be creative, insightful, and empathetic, but it also means they’re more prone than others to stress and overwhelm. Many highly sensitive people need to excuse themselves from high-stimulus environments, often having a “refuge” where they can be alone and “ground” their reactions. Although being highly sensitive is completely normal — meaning, it’s not a disease or a disorder — it’s often misunderstood, because only 15 to 20 percent of the population are HSP’s.

Finally, so many of the seemingly missing pieces of the puzzle that I consider my experience of life, started to fall into place. As if I finally found the missing vocabulary to translate to the outside world, what had been weighing on my mind.

My visualization of learning about HSP’s. When Neo starts to believe, and ‘sees’ the Matrix.
It’s no coincidence that this film has been one of my favorites since I was a little kid.

I continued my research, and found that there’s a whole spectrum of websites dedicated to the HSP and accompanying traits. I devoured them all. With this new information, this new reality, many questions starting with ‘why’, turned into answers. To include a few, I’ve drafted some of my past eureka-moments from the last weeks.

I now understand:

My tendency for deep introspection (which oftentimes has been labeled as overthinking).

Why I oftentimes need time to retreat and recharge and have a persistent longing for quiet-time and meditation.

I did not (yet) have the tools at my proposal to shield myself from the many stimuli of busy urban life, often leaving me over-aroused and subsequently burning up.

Why I profoundly love going on hikes, traveling and being outdoors. For nature has a soothing and grounding effect on the overstimulated nervous system. Puts my intensely strong desire having wanted to hike PCT in a new perspective.

That loud noises and bright lights actually cause me physical pain.

That I get affected and or overwhelmed through unconsciously absorbing other peoples emotions.

Why I tend to steer clear of large crowds and busy places.

The highly visual nature of my imagination; instantly transforming text, music and thoughts into video-fragments and pictures in my mind.

The origin of this website and its content.

My love for pretty much all forms of art; I get deeply moved by beauty

Ignoring and neglecting my bodies signals has been my default survival-mode for years. I was used to living in overdrive. Always on the go, never taking breaks. My solution to feeling too much, was simply to work harder.
Busy doing, meant not busy feeling.
I just didn’t recognize the signals for what they were. So I kept pushing through them… Disregarding sensory overload.

Learning about highly sensitive people is still so new to me, it is likely I will make some of my same mistakes in the future. Not recognizing my limits in time. But at least I now know what lies at the foundation of these signals. What to look out for.
And that is a giant weight off my shoulders.
In a very short window of time, the understanding has lead me to learn so much more about myself. I’m starting to recognize the pitfalls and upsides. But mostly I now get to better understand why my body and mind behaved the way they did in my past.
For this I’m intensely grateful.

The realization has brought mostly relieve, but some worry too. Re-framing my experiences and looking at my old ways through these ‘new’ glasses is a lot to process.
It’s tiresome.
I can relate to feelings described in this article which explains how the new realization may seem somewhat daunting.
I have practicing to do in carefully reading signals and listening to them, as to get a grasp on preventing over-stimulation and overwhelm.
And that is okay.
I mean, what is life without a few surprises and challenges?

Honestly, I welcome them. And see where this journey will take me…