This is the sixth of seven articles in the collection
Letters to Yara
my personal take on the hero’s journey.
To you,
Forever,
from me to you.
Dawn breaks, it is yet another day.
Reluctant my joints creak and muscles awaken. First light casts its rays upon us, nudging us towards action. To relate to these early moments as being free of resistance, would be words untrue; a state of effortless motions and fluidity has yet to be reclaimed.
Nevertheless, taking action no longer instills fright incessantly.
Upon opening my eyes, there is a lessening of turmoil; the chaotic winds in my chest have started to subside.
I feel – I know now – change is on the rise.
Steps nor miles no longer pillage my body. Resilience seeps back into my veins, into my bones, into my heart.
Uncertainty transforms into curiosity.
Each step forward feels like the progression of a wave. Gaining momentum, before erasing traces on the beach.
Washing away what was; the psychological warfare of the past.
Leaving behind a blank sheet of pristine, untouched sand.
A virginesque canvas.
A clean slate.
The absence of overwhelming tension is still alien to me.
Could there really be space for virtue again?
Could I have reentered into the realm of possibility?
And if so, where does one start in reshaping their world?
For honestly,
to begin again, is not an easy thing to do…
Yet now I’ve seen what lay slumbering beneath the surface,
now I’ve gazed through the darkness,
now that I’ve dueled my demons,
I arrived at my truths.
After unpeeling of the onion, I will replace each layer.
My protective shells will will be rotten no more.
No longer will I shield myself with vanity, arrogance and false pretense.
I will lay waste those defensive walls and instead,
the only barriers that may now surround me; translucent, permitting light.
Crystal clear, and diamond strong.
And cease my hiding to the world like a secluded stoic; distant and detached.
With clarity do I now recognize the pillars of the house I must build.
The cornerstones to my purpose.
The foundations of a future, built right this time.
It shall start small.
Same as the builder, who lays the first brick,
Same as the carpenter, who saws the first board,
Same as the painter, who brushes the first stroke.
Yes indeed.
For starting out small, is to start nonetheless.
Realigned with humility – guards let down – my energy returns.
Freed from asserting a constant state of alertness, the road ahead seems less daunting. One might even say that a sense of appreciation is taking hold. Signals from the outside find its to me way again. Reaching within.
I find myself adjusting, instead of defending.
Improving instead of enduring.
For the first time, I can embrace the heat.
The sizzling air vibrates with potential and promise.
As pools of sweat pour out of my body it feels like I’m ridding myself of a poisonous substance that inhibited my cells for so long.
Thorns lose their sting, or maybe my skin got thicker.
I’ve found my voice again, and gladly speak with my comrades. The look of relief in their eyes, uplifting.
They have gotten their friend back.
My love,
I know my words have been dark of late.
But here I am, turning a corner.
Taking off the mask and breaking chains.
Bound no longer, I dare dream about facing the dangers of this world from a place of true strength.
I even dare dream of holding you again.
I am not ready to let go.
I won’t.
Yours anew,
Me
Blue Lotus Vector courtesy of Thijs Franken
Click here
for the preceding article in
Letters to Yara
