Pacific Crest Trail ~ Epilogue

On hiking 2650 miles from Mexico to Canada

If you’re ever left feeling in doubt of who, where or what you are in life,
even if it’s only in the slightest,
just take a little walk.
Or maybe a very, very long one…  
~ Mind Stories ~

Oh, through the wilderness
You and I we’re walking through the emptiness
~ One Foot – Walk the Moon ~

I’m excited to share this entry with you, which I’ve been wanting to write for some time now;
a condensed synopsis of my experiences before, during and after what has been one of the greatest adventures of my life.

The idea to recap my travels and dive deeper into my motivations to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, had already occurred to me, even before I started my adventure on May 9th 2018.
So let’s get to it.

I’ve been back from the trail roughly 2 months now, and one of the questions I often get when talking about my hike, is:

Why?

A reasonable question, given the fact that subjecting your body to 5 months of physical challenges, not only takes a great amount of time to plan, but also a certain amount of crazy. And quite a few bucks too…
I thought about this question a lot before I started my adventure. Knowing that without proper motivation, the possibility of me dropping out along the way, was very real.

I learned about the existence of the PCT sometime during 2016. Either it was me reading Cheryl Strayed’s book ‘Wild’, watching the same-titled movie (2014), or just me browsing the internet looking up hikes for my upcoming travels to Nepal. The fact that I’m not sure how exactly I learned that the PCT was out there, reinforces my believe that it… just came to me. Because as soon as I understood that every year, people set out to thru-hike the entire 2650-mile stretch in one go, I knew that someday, I wanted to attempt that too.

Fortunately, life dealt me a hand which enabled me to set the gears in motion sooner than I imagined. After leaving a job in which I wasn’t happy, I turned all my focus to the pursuit of becoming a member of the PCT class of ’18.

In Manchester – UK, where I was living at the time, the eight months preceding my hike were filled with saving up money and obsessive research. As my starting date approached, my passion and longing for the PCT grew stronger.

In my heart I truly felt that this was something I had to do.

Beneath the surface simmered a longing for space, for fresh air, for freedom. And I had a strong feeling that what I was looking for was out there. Somewhere far away. Somewhere in the wilderness.

Also, I’m somewhat of a romantic.
And completing a journey of 2650 miles on foot, is no mere feat.
I guess I want to believe that when they say “you can do anything you set your mind to”, that that’s true…

It turned out that me wanting to do it,
was enough.

Beauty

Interestingly, in many ways it has been both the hardest and the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
During the 3 days before my starting date, in San Diego, I was bouncing off the walls.
What in the world had I gotten myself into?!
But I made it through those nerve-wrecking days, and started hiking on May 9th.

Naively I told myself before setting out, that I would get stronger, and that eventually the hiking would get easier.
It would not.
No matter how far I got, pretty much every night I collapsed in my tent, shattered.
Every day was a struggle. Sometimes physically, sometimes mentally, often both.
Hunger, thirst and pain my daily companions.
But the simplicity of life on trail created space. Space of mind. This was complimented by the daunting physical space of the great outdoors that surrounded me. In that space I was able to deal with struggle, to accept what I felt in the moment, building a very fluid resilience to the challenges Mother Nature threw my way.
And despite the subjection to what seems a continuous suffer-fest, there were moments where my mind and body were in perfect harmony. Days where the hiking seemed effortless; when I was gliding along the trail, resistance-free. Basking in the colorful pallet of a glorious sunrise, topping out at the crest revealing an ocean of desert-floor beneath my feet, or falling asleep beneath the mighty canvas of the Milky-Way.

Those are the moments that completely fill you up,  making your cells resonate at its most nourishing frequency.
Moments of flow.
Moments you feel most alive.
Moments that make you realise : “your life really is a movie sometimes“.

It didn’t take me long to fall in love with the trail. She became my best friend…  and my worst enemy. The divine main character in all of my stories.
The overall experience and relationship with the trail grew like something organic. In encounters with other hikers, separate sections became shared adventures, and I came to think of the thru-hiker class of ’18 as a neural network that kept expanding as time passed. Each encounter creating another node in the web. The trail a berth, a haven for every connection between every personality and all their impressions and feelings. In becoming a thru-hiker, the feeling we’re all part of a greater whole became stronger and stronger.
We’re in it together.

There we were, crusading a hidden paradise, far away from the hectics of conglomerate cities, money fueled rat-race and greed-infused work-mentalities. Hidden by tree and rock, lies a magnificent strip of beauty, winding its way through a landscape that would exceed your most exotic fantasies of a foreign, magical, long forgotten world. A distant planet, a dream, a perfectly surreal but astounding getaway, which allows for complete immersion.
A place of such wonder that it has the potential to completely fill you up.
That lifts you up.
Strengthens you.
Reestablishes you.
And strips away all that you’re not.
A place of serenity, and vigor. Where fear and repose are never far apart. But a place of freedom too, in which you can deal with your emotions, and find comfort and familiarity in them.

Apply Oneself

One might wonder though… Why adopt such a ascetic way of life for 5 months?
What about the pain, the hunger, the thirst…? Every day?
Had I ever experienced anything of the like, for such a continued span of time before?
Nope.
Were there any easy days?
Hardly.
Did I ever want to give up?
Never.

Not being able to finish was probably one of my greater fears on the trail. The thought of not making it to the Northern Terminus was agonizing.
I wanted to make it all the way to Canada so badly!

So I committed to something I already knew about myself. That I’ve always found an immense sense of liberation, accomplishment and joy after going through the process. Through the pain.
Beforehand you can never know what lies behind the unknown, but afterwards you’ll understand.
Growth.

In the Podcast between Joe Rogan and Russel Brand, they discussed applying yourself, getting physical, getting worked:

“I think there’s a freeing aspect to pushing physical boundaries. Because it’s exhausting. Not just exhausting physically, but mentally too; Because there’s a strain on your bodies desire to quit, your minds desire to seek comfort. In pushing past that, you find this freedom, and you also find a vulnerability, in who you are as a person, where its very difficult to think greatly of yourself and be egotistic.
You realise who you are, its very humbling.”

To which I respond with a whole-hearted:
YES!

Because life happens outside your comfort zone.

And in those moments of misery, there’s nothing else you feel. So in that specific moment, during that particular grind, it doesn’t get easier. But by repeatedly going through the process you build up your experience, until at some point you might be able to say to yourself; “It may suck now, but it’ll get better”. And though this does not necessarily makes you feel better right there and then, it is a source that gives you that little bit of extra strength you need to pursue.
Enhancing your resilience.

And on trail, I’ve always found it to be true.
It did get better.
So much better even, that the earlier on felt hardship, didn’t even seemed so bad at all.
It was always worth it.

By hiking thru, and finding myself still there, even after having gone through the pain, I explored the realms of my capabilities more and more. I got to know myself better. And a recurring line in my life, taught to me over and over again by many great teachers is that;

You’re better able to help others once you know yourself better.

Looking back on the experience now, I embrace the many similarities our shared adventure holds with Campbells Hero’s Journey. Feeling that it made me a better person.

The People

When talking about the PCT, I want to emphasize ‘shared’ adventure strongly, because:

One does not hike the PCT alone.

The number of amazing people I got to know on trail is nothing short of miraculous.
Trail-angels sharing food, drink, smile and talk with hungry, thirsty and tired thru-hikers could turn a horrible day into a bright one. Embracing their gifts could make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, leaving you raising your eyes to the skies and asking the trail-gods what you possibly could have done to deserve those blessings.
Trail-magic, to me, was altruism in its purest form. Someday I hope to return the favor.

My family and friends played an important role in me finishing the trail. Their continuous support, loving messages and uplifting conversations on the phone kept my frame of mind right, and my feet moving. It seemed their words of encouragement found me in the moments I needed them most.
I thank you for all of it.

The many strangers, that so soon after establishing contact did not feel like strangers any more. The countless rides that were offered, gifts in form of food, drink, money and kind words made me realise a very important thing. As humans we are in this world together. And a desire to sustain that sentiment after my adventure, grew stronger and stronger with every wonderful encounter. It made me feel very much at home in the world.

My beautiful, crazy, weird, intelligent, tough, inspiring and wonderful hiker-buddies.
Without them the experience could never be what it has been. I read about the hiker-community before starting out, but it now seems the words I read, barely touch on surface of the camaraderie we shared. I feel immensely blessed to have spend time with such amazing human beings.
You know who you are, and I’m so grateful we got to share the trail!

Mind Stories

I tell people I read a ton of blogs on hiking the PCT before setting out myself. Getting lost in their words and world was like throwing gasoline on a flame. It ignited my desire to hike more and more.
Inspired by Erin Saver’s blog walkingwithwired and Lindsay and Kyle’s blog tandemtrekking, a yearning arose to write about my travels too. I wasn’t sure how it would work out when I was actually out there in the wild, but I wanted to try at least.
And I already had my website…

The sheer joy I experienced in keeping a detailed journal and to share it with the world, felt new, fresh, exciting. Sure, there were times when I wasn’t feeling the writing, or was so exhausted my eyes literally fell shut as I was typing away on my portable keyboard. But every time I would read back my entries, I felt grateful I put the energy in. Writing the stories kept me honest, and reading back about the wanderings of my mind taught me more about myself.

When I was winding down from the trail in the town of Winthrop, I wrote emails to my blog-heroes, to express my appreciation for them sharing their stories throughout the years. They responded with wonderful words, which I will cherish forever.

Gratitude

When I started the trail I was inexperienced in many ways I didn’t recognize before. Gradually a transformation started to take place.
Hiking the trail established within me a more profound understanding of our planet. I learned that the elements, Mother Nature, is to be respected and appreciated. She’s fierce. No matter how much you prepare, she’ll always find ways to surprise you, to test you, to catch you off guard. Every time I started to think that I had this ‘living-in-the-wild-thing’ pretty figured out, the trail proved me wrong. It made me feel very small as a human. I found that wonderfully humbling.

The trail taught me about simplicity and gratitude. Out there I’ve learned that you don’t need a whole lot to feel happiness. Everything you need in a backpack, surrounded by like-minded souls with a shared goal, goes a very long way. The kindness of people along the trail and all the wonderful hikers has proven time and time again that there’s an abundance of good in this world. Sometimes in the hectic rat-race-like lifestyle of my pre-hike, that was not that easy to find.
The trail has showed me it’s there, uncovering a source I now know is accessible.
A source anyone can tap from.

After finishing the trail I was scrolling through the Guthooks-app (the interactive maps we used on trail). In the the comments-section of the Canadian Border way-point, I stumbled upon this gem:

“Did you find what you were looking for? Or did you get so lost in the moment that you forgot something was ever missing?”

I feel I did both.

For that, and all the beautiful things I’ve seen, I’m filled with nothing but the strongest feeling of gratitude.
And the realization that if you put your mind to something big you want to do, and love (like hiking 2650 miles), you can do it.

So, for the countless reasons I’ve tried to put into words, I would really like to encourage anybody who has a desire to do something scary, to do it!
Be it hiking the PCT, or something entirely different.
Getting out of your comfort-zone is an amazing thing. You never know what you’ll find behind the discomfort, the pain, the struggle, the fear. But I believe that’s where real growth lies.
In whatever way that growth may manifest itself.

In the end, our body is much like an hourglass; in which every heart-beat is represented by a grain of sand.
You will run out.
So be afraid, that’s okay.
But do what you want to do.
As for hiking the PCT? I strongly recommend it to anybody.
It will change your life.

Yours,
Joris